The Dream of Organization … a pantser who dreams of being a plotter

I dream of many things … an office full of bulletin boards where I can trace out whole outlines on multi-colored index cards and color coded push pins. I dream of bulletin boards full of images torn from magazines to help me describe the way people dress and what they eat. I dream of time to find the images and index cards … heck to be honest I would like the time to find my office! I know it is somewhere.

I was always the student who bought the organizer, pencil case, and little pouch to hold miscellany items in the binder and then never used them. The zipped pocket in the binder held the unsharpened pencil while the pencils got broken in the backpack. I never actually write anything in the organizer … but I always bought the best one! The pencil case got lost at home under the bed … but somehow I did have a pen in the pocket of the backpack — usually, if the gods smiled upon the teen student.

Now I buy the organizer and still not write much on it … and to complicate things some items get added to the calendar on the phone, some in the organizer and some on the Google calendar. There are too many options.

Having too many options does not help my writing life, either.

I could write on the laptop or on the NetBook. I could write a brief idea that comes to me on the note field of my phone. If I am at work and an idea pops into my head I could open up the DropBox folder and just type a sentence there to be expand upon later. I could pull out the digital recorder and record verbal messages about plot ideas. I could write ideas that come in that twilight time between sleeping and waking on the pad of paper on my night stand. Do I perform any of these tasks? No.

I want to be a plotter – I dream of being a plotter … but somehow I am a pantser, not because of desire but because of circumstance. It is not that the ideas don’t come when I am waking or walking or working. It is that in times of stress I react poorly.

All I want to do is complain to friends how I want to do something and just don’t have time to do ANYTHING! (Though I can read at least six hours of a non-intellectual book that falls in the romance category with no thought of repercussions — this is why Julia Cameron, author of the “Artist’s Path”, suggests when you are in creative mood DON’T read!)

I want to eat all the wrong food that makes me feel ill. I want to waste time on Social Media sites and message friends. I want to avoid all sense of responsibility and pretend that I don’t have a mortgage to think about, taxes to pay, and a house that needs a new roof.

I know what I should do — get the bulletin boards and colored index cards and put down the books that do not aide me in my endeavors … but in the first wave of stress and frustration out comes the romance and food and into an alternate realm go I!

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